Virginia Beach: Wish I Was There

We have spent this week along the glorious shore of Virginia Beach. I think for years I associated Virginia Beach with some kind of honky tonk haven for crop tops and mullets. I'm not sure why that is, it couldn't be farther from the truth. Perhaps I have mistaken it for somewhere else (Hampton beach perhaps?). I don't know. The reality is that Virginia Beach is a lovely little stretch of Atlantic with a lively and upbeat atmosphere, something I had no idea I was missing.

I would love to be out strolling the beach on this glorious sunny April morning. It's about 75 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, a vision for the sunbathers and shell seekers milling about out my hotel room window. The beach is almost deserted, I could have it all to myself if not for the sick child occupying the other half of my suite. Poor Nay has a stomach bug, and he is all but comatose today, so his mommy is confined to the indoors and the small oceanfront balcony that gives me the glimmer into the frolicking and smiling that is happening down below.

I have to be honest about why this sick-on-vacation scenario is really not as bad as it could be. First of all, I am traveling with another mom. A competent, been-through-that mother who has scurried my other child away to play mini golf so that I might lie around here eating pizza and watching catch up episodes of The Voice while Nathan moans away in the next room. One of the best things about Ainsley is that she is totally flexible and very understanding. She doesn't care at all that we have to spend another night here when we should be back on the road home, and thank god for that because I don't think getting in the car with this weak little person would be possible right now. Kudos to her good sportsmanship in this rough and tumble game of mothering.

The other reason this doesn't suck as much as it could is the fantastic Holiday Inn and Suites Resort in Virginia Beach. Let me give this amazing hotel the shout out they deserve. Here's why they rock:

1. They had no problems with us extending our check out, and then deciding to just not leave at all. No hassle, just hang around as long as you'd like.

2. They have free washers and dryers. Boo-ya. The kids clothes have started to smell a lot like pee. And I'm out of underwear.

3. I am in a suite, and it's cheap. That means that there is a door between my sleeping sick child and the cackling away of my laptop, and we are all very comfortable. Plus the view is outstanding.

4. They brought me lots and lots of towels, new bed sheets, and a razor to shave my legs. Hallelujah. 

5. Kids eat free. This is bitchin'. We have five kids with us (well, only four who can eat right now, but you get my drift). I hate spending money on tiny chicken nugget meals only to have them picked at with a disgruntled little face and then turned away from. Hooray for free food.

So here I am until further notice. Holed up with my laptop and a view of the water. Not really the end of the world, but I hope my little guy is feeling better soon so he can get back in the action before it's time to wind our way back home.

A Very Sad Good Bye

Yesterday we said good-bye to a good friend. My good friend Joe passed away at the young age of 43 after a long battle with various health problems and hospitalizations. My dad, brother, and I learned that his condition was end stage just Thursday, and we hurried into the hospital on Friday to say goodbye to him. He passed just as we arrived, life leaving his body and traveling into the great beyond, a beautiful soul bidding farewell to those of us left behind.

Joe was a gentle soul with a brilliant mind. Unfailingly kind, I don't think he had a malicious bone in his body. His tolerance for others spread to anyone who met him. He was jolly by nature and inspired laughter within minutes of being around him.

Joe became known to our family in 2000, when he worked with my dad at a travel magazine. He became part of our adopted family in the following years. His blood family lived far away, spread out across the US and in Ghana, his country of birth. Joe was always present with us at holidays, family dinners, and special occasions, it was always assumed that Joe would have a spot at our table, he was one of us. When Francisco met Joe upon moving here in 2005 they became fast friends, bonding over their skin colors and their love of weird stewed meats. They traded website work for home cooked meals and formed a tight bond that lasted up until the end.

Joe was as much like a brother to me as my own flesh. I loved him despite his inability to care for himself the way he deserved, in spite of his lifelong battle with addiction. His good heart and loving personality shone through each time I spoke to him. He was a person worth caring about. I carry him in my heart now and forever. I hope that more people can aspire to be as kind to others as Joe, and that we who loved him will all learn from his mistakes and take care of our bodies, so they will in turn carry us through to old age.

Good-bye Joe. Thank you for sharing your friendship, your laughter, your insight, your intelligence, your compassion, and your grace with me. I will never forget what a good man you were. Until we meet again...

The Meanest Thing About Spring

Do you ever feel like Daylight Savings Time was invented purely for the amusement of the government? I think that somewhere people are sitting in some office cracking up at our tired faces trying to get up an hour earlier for school and work, trying to wrestle our kids into bed an hour before they are used to sleeping. Nathan is rolling out of bed at 7:30 and barely making it onto the bus for school. Somewhere Big Brother is laughing at my sad sleepy face as I struggle to stay awake throughout the day, as though it was so easy before. Bastards.

When I lived in the Dominican Republic there was no observation of Daylight Savings. Dominicans thought they had plenty of daylight, thank you very much. Apparently they did at one point try and turn the clocks back, but everyone got so confused that no one made it anywhere, and they gave up and just kept it the same year round. Smart people.

I do, however, appreciate having it not get dark until 7pm. I am in desperate need for spring, and so I will accept the longer light filling up our days. I just wonder how much longer until we keep it this way all the time. I feel like a spring bud peeking up from the ground, much like the tiny daffodils I see peeking through in the yard, my eyes just barely beginning to open. I love living in Massachusetts because I hate winter so much, that when it finally melts away the feeling is orgasmic. We will probably live through the adjustment another year, but I wish somebody would wisen up and stop messing with our heads.

The Bug is Back

Well, it's back. The bug. The travel bug that it. It hits me midwinter every year like a ton of bricks, and won't let up until the weather gets cold again next fall. I go one place and then I am desperate to go everywhere.

Unfortunately for me I am not independently wealthy, so this bug has to be kept at bay, at least a little bit. It is taking all of my strength not to charge us into credit card debt even further with new plane tickets to far off fun destinations, but no, I am not doing it. I will not jump at the great deal or the special offer, because really, unless it's free it's not happening. Calm down sister.

I think this bug will be permanently implanted inside of me. I can't imagine not having the itching desire to see new places or experience new adventures. Becoming a mother held it back a bit for me, but now that my kids are getting bigger that only increases my urges to get out and do things, and show them how much life has to offer.

So, if anyone has any fantastic, cheap, and easy ideas for anywhere to go that I don't have to reach by airplane, and that are preferably free, please let me know, I'm on the move, and I'm not stopping now.

The Girls' Getaway: From fear to fantasy

I got back yesterday from a trip that has been widely discussed (in my own head) but never executed for the many years that I have been a parent. The girlfriends' getaway. The day had finally come. Jane, Danielle, Liz, and I were four women in desperate need of a vacation, so we shot down south to Key Largo.

Liz and I are the only two with children, and the day before we left we both found ourselves wracked with overwhelming anxiety about leaving them, even though I was leaving them in the hands of those I trust the most and I knew they would be fine. It was an unexplained sense of panic, as though I was making some terrible mothering mistake. I now feel a bit foolish for experiencing these uncontrolled emotions, as it was worth every last minute. 

The panic subsided by the time we were en route to the airport (although my panic about flying and the turbulent airplane ride did not help much) and once we had gotten our rental car and were heading south down the Florida turnpike to our awaiting houseboat, the Tobbie Dee.

The boat was shabby in the perfect sort of way. Located in the somewhat rundown but also distinctly charming Gilbert's Resort, our houseboat was roomy enough to fit four women comfortably, had a blender for mixed drinks (of which there were many), and allowed us to sip coffee while watching pelicans swooping down to catch their morning fish. The best part is that it was dirt cheap and had a constant view of the water. Perfect.

Our daily escapades began each day with a trip to the Casa De Los Jugos, a local haven for coffee and juice lovers alike. I easily consumed my body weight in fresh squeezed passion fruit juice (when combined with enough rum could very well create world peace) and cuban coffee in small thimbles, strong enough to wake any narcoleptic.

We filled our thermoses with fruity rum and headed to a different beach each day, the most stunning of which was the renowned Bahia Honda State Park. I hadn't been on a beach without my kids since they were born, and the release of not being responsible for anyone else was tremendous. Girl talk, from the most intimate details to the superficial had us laughing the entire time.

Whatever else may be true, I will not be waiting seven years to take a vacation by myself again. Today as I woke up (from 12 needed hours of sleep) feeling refreshed and calm, I no longer hold the guilt of taking time out for me. Moms deserve to spend time away from their children now and again to allow us to remember that we are more than just mothers. We are women with desires, adventuresome spirits, and the ability to laugh. I can't believe how often in life I have let myself forget that. This too ends today.

The Motherhood Sacrifice

Motherhood is all about sacrifice. For centuries mothers have been giving up what they want and need in order to accommodate the more pressing demands of their children. We give up sleep, leisurely meals, perky breasts, time, energy, you name it. We happily give it all up to raise these beautiful little creatures and have them prosper and grow into their oversized personalities.

For the past five years I have been working every weekend in order to be able to be home during the week with my kids and avoid paying drastically for child care. My kids see more of me and I don't have to worry about who is caring for them on which day. I have sacrificed many a party, girls' night, dinner out, and basically most other regular event that happens on a weekend. I get the occasional weekend off, savoring every minute of it when I'm not rushing to make the most of it. Now that my oldest is in second grade, I miss out on his life most of all. He's at school all week while I'm home, and I spend most of the day sleeping when he's home on the weekends. It's lame, but it works for our family right now.

Next week I am doing something that is totally radical in the world of motherhood: I am going on vacation by myself. That's right, I said it. No husband, no kids, just girlfriends for five days in Florida. The opposite of sacrifice. Next week I am giving myself a well earned break from the chaos and taking a little sacrifice back. Feels totally reckless as I have never done anything like it before. I travel a lot, but I always take my kids with me. This year I had very little money, but airline miles I could only use myself. Hmmm, what to do?

Ignoring the waves of panic that wash over me at night (How will they be OK without me? Will I be able to will our plane to stay in the air and make it to the other side? Will the house crumble into dust from neglect or be condemned from filth when I return? Am I traumatizing them by taking myself away for so long?) I soldier on because I am downright psyched about this trip. We are staying on a houseboat (is there anything cooler than that?) and planning to fill our days with beach, snorkels, and tropical cocktails. My goal is to relax enough for the next seven years until I get another vacation like it.

I am nervous about it because I am trained to sacrifice. It feels wrong to do something that is just for me. I'm not sure how that guilt was ingrained into me, but here it is. Wherever I go, this invisible umbilical cord has me attached to my children and I can't help but worry about where they are when they aren't with me. I think this feeling may never dissipate, and that it may be the permanent connection that makes motherhood such a powerful force.

The Screen Free Challenge

This week Francisco propositioned Nathan with a challenge he couldn't refuse. We seem to be raising a house full of gamblers, because we can't help but place wagers on many of life's daily activities. This week's challenge: Give up the screen.

Francisco bet Nathan fifty dollars that he couldn't go one month without screen time. That includes TV, video games, computer, or the beloved parental iPhone. I quickly joined in on this challenge, as I spend most of my day squawking at someone to "turn that damn thing off!" I added fifty dollars of my own, and for Nay the bet was sealed. If he can go until March 3rd without watching anything, he'll get a whopping hundred bucks. Woah.

It's been two days and Nathan is like a tiny alcoholic. "Mom, this is really hard! Does YouTube count? Does it count as a screen if we are in New Jersey?" He's steadfast in his desire to earn such a massive sum of money for his seven year old pockets, so he has yet to break down, and I keep reminding him that the first week will probably be the hardest. This is the first time that he has voluntarily given up his precious screens. I have often cut him off for a week or two at a time, to bring us back to reality and keep him from becoming too glazed over, but somehow this is very different. There is no reminding, threatening, or sneaking around. He truly just wants to win this challenge.

I have been impressed with how many books he has already plowed through, how his week's worth of homework was completed in one night, and how we have done enough science experiments to write a book.  It's slightly painful to have to wake up as early as he does (he used to sneak downstairs and watch TV before I was even conscious), but I like having his full attention and interest back. I hope he can persevere to win the money, and I really hope this makes a change for our family in the long run. I'll let you know.